That awkward question

Realtors are advised to ask buyers if they are currently working with an agent before pursuing them as a client. This can help to avoid the kind of conflict that comes with learning that the buyer a realtor thought was working with them exclusively is really playing the field and going on showings with other agents – probably without having any negative or deceitful intent (some might, but I choose to believe that is not typically the case), but because they are learning the process as they go and rely on an agent to guide and educate them.

If a buyer discloses this information outright, upon being asked, then I would think most agents would be respectful of their candor, and thankful for it as well. If a realtor asks a buyer if they are working with another agent and the buyer says “yes” then the realtor (should) know to back off and politely advise the buyer to work through the agent they have chosen, unless they decide it is not working out and both parties agree to part ways. However, if the buyer says “no” when in truth they are working with one or more other agents it can cause interpersonal, ethical, and perhaps even legal problems down the line.

That said, the responsibility to ask the question falls on the agent in terms of broaching the topic. Asking the question, and receiving an answer, provides the agent with the information needed to determine how to handle the situation, because many buyers simply do not know how the process works, or what problems some actions could cause down the line, and so they may not proactively offer the information as they do not know it is important. Most buyers are likely not trying to hide it at all; they just do not know it is critical for the agent to have that knowledge.

While asking the question during the first interaction may feel awkward or uncomfortable, it is essential, and gives the agent an opportunity to offer the buyer an explanation as to why they asked the question to help them better understand the complicated mechanics of home sales. This may also open the door to further discussions about the buying process and the buyer’s needs if it turns out the buyer is not working with another agent.

On the realtor side of the equation, it helps agents preserve relationships with other agents in the industry by respecting existing agency relationships other agents may have with one or more buyers. This is important because many agents encounter ones they have worked with before on numerous occasions – especially in smaller markets like Litchfield or Merrimack, New Hampshire – where specific agents do a lot of business in those towns. Negotiating with an agent that feels another agent has been unethical or has behaved in an unpleasant, or dishonest, manner in the past becomes exceptionally difficult and can impede a sale, or make one much harder than it has to be due to hostility or distrust among the agents. This is always best to avoid so that negotiations are focused on the best interests of the clients and not the agents.

not exclusive

And then…

not exclusive part 2


Real estate agent in some top ten most stressful job lists

I want to write about a misconception people who are not in the real estate business often have about the nature of the role of realtor or real estate agent. I can count on both hands a minimum of two dozen times when a person has expressed to me how lucky I am to have a job that is so easy and flexible. These assumptions used to baffle me, but after pondering this notion for some time I now realize why this career path appears this way to those working in other professions.

Before I present some realities about working as a real estate agent, I want to say that despite the information I am about to share I feel this career is right for me because it satisfies my need to help others in a meaningful way. For instance, I help buyers find the home they want – within the confines of their budget and at the best value possible. I find working with buyers enjoyable because I know that if I do my job right, barring any problems or issues I cannot detect and an inspector does not detect that do cause the deal to fall through for reasons beyond the agent’s control, then I get this sense of satisfaction that I have helped them reach a major milestone in their life – whether they are first time home buyers, second time home buyers, or have purchased many homes. I also love working with Veterans and have done so many times. It is a somewhat different process and so I know that with the experience I have, I can help active and inactive military personnel navigate the process much better than agents that do not.

I enjoy sellers because I treat the relationship like a partnership and so when obstacles arise we work together to resolve them, and I do everything on my end (that is legally and ethically within my power) to do to help them. But perhaps most importantly, I listen to their concerns, ideas, and input instead of forcing a decision upon them.

Reaching the closing table and finalizing a purchase and/or sale marks the end of an often emotional, stressful, exciting, and sometimes unpredictable time span that may last a month or much longer, depending on the circumstances and myriad factors. This is true for the buyers, sellers, and the agents. There is a great deal of stress and uncertainty involved and this can bring out the worst in any person at times. Understanding this can become the key to making it all the way to the end.

That said, I had a friend say to me one day “Hey, I came across this article that said being a real estate agent is one of the most stressful jobs a person can have? Is that true?” I thought about it for a moment, and the ups and downs I have been through in my career – particularly the first year which was especially difficult – and I responded something to the effect that while it can at times become tremendously stressful, it can be at times exceptionally satisfying and rewarding.

I am speaking only for myself, of course, but based on what other agents have told me I know that many in the business remain in it despite the stress, but I believe there are categories of reasons as to why agents remain in the business (especially successful ones), such as: the incredible feeling service-oriented agents get when they get the the closing table, the money (not everyone is in it for the money, because you must spend a lot of money to remain licensed and busy with clients, but for some agents it is all about the bottom line), or the rush they get from winning listings, negotiating contracts successfully, getting paid, and potentially becoming known among one or more communities as a prominent agent.

Getting back to the belief some have that the job is among the top ten stressful jobs (and not all web sources share this opinion), I thought to myself that while I do know the job can at times be very stressful, it is not really fair to compare it to jobs like law enforcement, corrections, those working for fire departments, and many others where people actually put their lives on the line for others or shape the lives of other people, such as teachers and professors – to name a few. Not even close. Those jobs are beyond stressful and they are also absolutely critical, and so I  had to spend some time thinking about how and why the career of real estate agent has made the top ten list on so many different sites. After much thought, I did come up with some answers and realizations about the job that do support a high ranking. Perhaps not in the top ten, but top twenty for sure.

Many people that do not work in real estate, or have not been involved in a transaction for a period of time, do not know how much is involved in the process. Putting a home on the market and selling it is the obvious goal in the mind of sellers. Finding, negotiating, and purchasing the right home for one or more people’s specific needs is the primary goal of the buyer/s. However, there are other sub-processes and happenings that may bring about much anxiety and stress on the part of all parties (of which there are many, including: the buyer/s, the seller/s, the agent or agents, the title or attorney company, a lender if needed, an appraiser if applicable, and an inspector – to name the most commonly included parties, as well as the inclusion of the friends and family members of buyers or sellers that like to view the property and give input). All of the moving parts that are either visible to all parties, and invisible to some, must all come together in just the right way for a closing on a home to occur. Unfortunately, with that many people involved there are plenty of opportunities for challenges and difficulties to arise, but this does not mean the purchase or sale will not make it to closing. Quite the opposite if one is working with a good agent and communication is clear and frequent. Even when agents are 110% on top of their game there are some factors they cannot see or control, or can see but have little to no ability to resolve.

Regardless, in difficult situations I push forward anyway and no matter how bleak a situation seems with regard to a problem with a purchase or sale I think hard about any and all possible solutions. I am an out of the box thinker – a person that does not really believe it when other say something is impossible or a lost cause. I am a persistent person, with an instinct for advocating strongly on behalf of those I am working with. The majority of the time these efforts pay off and the purchase or sale is completed. Once in a while, though not often, a problem or obstacle arises I cannot remedy due to reasons beyond my control (underwriters not approving financing near the end, etc.).

When I sit at a closing table after one of the kinds of sales that have proven very difficult, and realize that despite everything that has happened and I have managed to work with all the parties to keep it all together, allowing  my clients to make it all the way to the end, it serves as a reminder that the stress was (and remains) worth it. This belief is further etched into my brain when a buyer or seller expresses their gratitude or finds themselves compelled to write a nice review about me online, say thank you, or even give my name to others as a referral.

The above are signs to me that I am in the right career. They tell me I am doing my job right, or at minimum to the absolute best of my ability. I have even had agents  on the other side of a difficult deal give or send me thank you cards because they know how hard the fight can be on either side and while they are technically on the opposing side of the sale, the reality is we all have the same goal and that is to get to closing with those involved and leave them feeling as good about it as possible, despite trauma that may have occurred from obstacles, delays, or challenges, experienced during the process.

But is this job extremely stressful? Yes. To back up the claim, I will provide just a few of the sites I came across after I dispel a few (but not all) myths about work in real estate. These are ones I have personally encountered and stand out in my mind as I am writing this.

Myth 1: Real estate is all about “business”and it is not “personal”.

False. Buying or selling a house is stressful, but necessary because people need and want a place to live. People may say it is “business, not personal”, but nothing could be further from the truth. When a person or couple go through the process of buying a home they are looking for a safe haven that matches their needs to the degree possible given location, financial status, and other factors. Sometimes it is a single buyer looking for a place of their own to own and build equity. Other times it is a couple or a family looking for a place to call “home”. The bottom line is the purchase or sale of a home is directed correlated with person or families needs, goals, and dreams.

The process is personal for sellers too. These are people that have likely lived in and made memories in the home they are selling: both good and bad. Some have had and raised their children in the home they are selling, while others bought it with that plan in mind. This is one of many reasons why sellers may be inclined to sometimes price their home too high. They are factoring in sentimental value – that while does not justify a price point that is exceptionally above its market value – it must be understood and respectfully acknowledged by agents and buyers, or else the sellers are very unlikely to change their stance on the value if an offer is made in a manner that offends the seller/s. Some of these homes do not sell, but when parties remain respectful it is more likely that a seller will come down in price, within reason.

Myth 2: All purchases and sales should be smooth and without obstacles if an agent is competent and professional.

False. This is only true if the agent demonstrates signs of incompetence, and/or the obstacles are stemming from sources they may have some degree of control over. It is also false if such an agent is not taking the needs of their client/s seriously, and really listening to what it is they need. Not being responsive, without explanation, is another sign the agent is contributing to the sale falling apart, or persistent problems throughout because it may mean they are not paying attention to deadlines, acting proactively, or working hard to find solutions to issues that arise. However, if the opposite is true and there are many obstacles, but it is evident the agent is working diligently on a buyer or seller’s behalf, then one must understand it is a complex process. Anything can and does happen.

Myth: The job is flexible.

False. This is a common misconception I hear all the time. Agents that treat their work like a business and a career, versus a hobby, are always “on” and ready to work. These agents spend years trying to find a  work/life balance and still work hard enough to earn a reasonable amount of money.

As discussed in another blog post, commissions are structured in such a way that the check given to the agent as closing does not reflect their net income due to reasons such as: broker commission splits (depending on how the company handles that), possible franchise fees, self employment tax, no retirement plan through the broker, no health insurance unless the realtor buys it on their own or has a spouse with one through their own job, referral fees to other brokers or agents that gave the agent the client, costs spent to market properties or assist buyers with showings, and the list goes on. If a buyer calls an agent at 7pm at night and the agent chooses to answer the phone, the buyer might say “There is a house that just came and I want to see it tomorrow morning if possible because I don’t want to risk losing it to another buyer”. Agents each have their own way of handling these situations, but needless to say there are consequences and implications associated with whatever way the agent chooses to respond, or not respond. There is not always a right or wrong response either. Sometimes it has to be considered on a case-by-case basis.

Myth: Few, if any at all, purchases or sales are without some bumps in the road.

The business of selling homes is unpredictable and there are specific milestones that may be especially hard to get beyond. Communication between agents and clients is essential from the beginning. Agents must prepare their clients in a realistic fashion – not in an effort to scare them off, but in an effort to reduce the stress the client feels if they do encounter a bump or ten in the road.

If an agent is going into a listing appointment promising to sell quickly, promising to sell at a higher than market value price, and promising a painless transaction then they may win the listing, but the odds the process will play out that way are extremely low and they know this if they are experienced. Instead, I personally prepare buyers and sellers ahead of time about what they may expect. I do not do it in a way that frightens them, but rather establishes appropriate expectations right from the start. This is helpful because if a problem does arise, the buyer or seller may still experience stress, but they are not caught completely off guard. I also encourage my clients to ask questions, give input, or express concerns as they come up so they do not fester as many are easily addressed. I cannot emphasize this enough: communication is key.

Myth: I have had people say to me on occasion, “You are so lucky to have such an easy job! All you have to do is show houses or put them on websites and they just sell”.

Let me respond clearly on this one.


The showings are relatively easy, though an agent needs to carefully manage time, coordinate multiple showings (and if you have four or five in a row this can be a challenge and a half to make all the appointments on time), be on the look out for problems or red flags at a home showing, research the property and its history ahead of time, and other work that would double the word count of this article f I listed it all. However, showings are enjoyable to me and I love seeing homes so I agree with the idea that this is one of the easier parts of the job. It is the negotiations, getting a house under agreement, getting past inspection, getting past appraisal, getting lenders that are reliable and return calls (some are reliable and some are not; just like real estate agents and other human beings in general), getting the loan commitment letter on time, meeting all deadlines on time, talking people off the ledge when something happens and they panic, and getting the final numbers for the buyers and sellers within the legally required time frame (or it causes a delay in the closing) that can be the hardest parts of the job.

Please know that there are other common and varied causes of stress to agents including: entering homes or coming into contact constantly with strangers that could potentially harm, rob, or murder an agent, the experience of frequent rejection that happens a lot during an agent’s earlier years in the business (it is the nature of the business since it is exceptionally competitive profession and agents have to learn to let the rejection go and move on), not knowing when the next pay check is coming in since a home has to close for an agent to get paid, regardless of the fact the agent still has bills to pay (and dues, insurance, taxes, fees, gasoline, and marketing expenses), and helping clients through the emotional roller coaster of making such a major change and transition in their life.

There are more, but for now I will leave you with links to websites that include the role of real estate agent/realtor as among the top ten most stressful jobs. Some give additional insight into the realities of this job and why it can cause such stress.

Realtor Magazine’s “Top 10 Most Stressful Jobs”

Forbes’ 2011 list of “What are the Most Stressful Occupations”

Realty Times reasons “Why Real Estate Agent is on the top ten list of most stressful jobs”

HSH’s article “Real estate agent: The job can be a killer”

Active Rain’s “10 Most Stressful Job” and it has a slideshow for those just looking to get the gist of the list.

Places: Kids Kove in Merrimack, NH

kidskove2Merrimack, NH has a lot of fun and family-friendly places to go. The Twin Bridge Park is one example. Many people know the park because of its unique playground for kids known as Kids Kove, as well as the Little League baseball field known as Bise. The Merrimack Youth Association (MYA) headquarters building is also in the park. However, some do not realize there is even more to the park than meets the eye.

The entire park consists of 27 acres and has been a public area since 1928. A large portion of the park is wooded and so visitors may walk along various trails. The park was named Twin Bridge because of the two bridges located within the wooded area that allow people to cross the Baboosic Brook. The Town of Merrimack states on its site that the bridges have been used since colonial times, though their structure has changed somewhat.

Kids Kove is a play area outside of the woods that is mainly made up of wooden structures for children to play in or on. If you are planning a trip there it is important to note that there is no tunneling allowed under the playground (the sign says as much and so there must have been some kind of incident prompting the rule, right?), under any circumstances, but once you get beyond that disappointment you are free to have fun.

Here are some additional pictures of the playground, the trails, and the Brook:


Inside Kids Kove


Play area


The trails


Baboosic Brook


Another view of the brook


Moving along the trail


Near the bridge


End of the trail

Rain or shine

New Hampshire is a state that can present many challenges to realtors – particularly listing agents. A specific one worth mentioning is the somewhat unpredictable weather. To some extent the weather in NH is not all that mysterious. There are four seasons and we all know what comes with each. For the most part, anyway. The problem is that on a day to day basis the weather is subject to change, making planning efforts futile at times. And by planning efforts, I simply mean the act of an agent setting up a date and time with the seller to either send a photographer to take pictures, or take them on one’s own. Some agents are brave and agree to let their sellers take their own pictures, and then use all of them in the listing, but that’s a situation that deserves its very own post.

The realtor chooses a day in the future that looks promising as far as weather goes. However, there comes a time (many times really) when two days after setting up an appointment to take the pictures the following week, the agent sees that the day said would be a nice one is now threatening rain, snow, sleet, hail, or other. Perhaps there will be a tornado or a blizzard? One never knows when they live in New England. The agent then has to decide if they will try to reschedule the appointment to take pictures, wait to see if the forecast changes again, or live dangerously and take those pictures come rain or come shine.

And that isn’t even getting into the drama that occurs when the weather is less than cooperative over an extended time period when prospective buyers come to see the home…


How to recognize a 1700s house

New Hampshire is a unique state in a lot of ways – particularly when it comes to the rich and dynamic history of each city and town. An intriguing way to experience this history is to tour homes dating back to the 1700s. For those familiar with these types of homes, characteristics of the exterior and interior of each house provide clues to its age. However, for those with less experience viewing or studying old homes, here is a cheat sheet of features you might find in a home constructed during this time period.

Wood Floors

The flooring in 1700s homes in New England is easy to spot in houses that still have the original flooring. Similarly to some of the flooring preferred today, many historic homes contain wood flooring made of thick planks of pine, oak, or maple; however, unlike homes constructed later, the flooring was typically unremarkable in terms of being stained or treated to improve its appearance.


Inside 1790 home in Amherst, NH

Georgian Home Styles

A common style of homes built in the 1700s was known as Georgian. The Federal style of home emerged fairly soon after. Though many of these homes appear similar to modern day Colonial style homes, technically they are not Colonials as we know them today. Many of these homes were made of wood. Windows were often asymmetrical and small.


Common interior characteristics in 1700s homes included various types of paneling. It is not unusual to find paneling surrounding areas such as the fireplace.


Shelving built into walls is a feature you may come across when inside a home this old.

Ceiling Beams

In the 1700s many homes were still constructed in a manner that left the large beams in the ceiling exposed. This was a trend that continued after the 1600s, but became somewhat less common into the 1700s as less of a home’s structure was left exposed in a manner people could see.


Many homes of this era are positioned on a lot where the house is closer to the road than homes constructed in the following century.

Large Barn

Some of these homes have a large barn that may be larger than the house itself.


Large barn next to home built in 1790

Though not all of the interior and exterior features frequently found in homes built in the 1700s are included here, these may help you determine the time period of an old home you are curious about.